Thoughts as we come to the end of the year...

Heh. The first one is, I made it! I haven't used the credit card for over a year. And, until maybe this month, I haven't even been tempted. Living on a budget works.... if you stick to it. We have come a long way. I am proud of what we have accomplished, though at the same time, I feel beaten up. It is hard, now especially, to stick to the budget, and I have been overspending lately.

We found out we are having a boy. Even though I wanted a girl, just knowing this suddenly made the pregnancy so much more real. I also started feeling him move in the last few weeks, and have started really showing in the last week or so (though I really just look really fat, I think). I am wanting to buy stuff for the baby and worrying about big ticket items. I have been going over budget and my account is suffering for it. BUT I drew the line at the credit card. I did spend some money that was sitting in my account for car repairs, though. And it isn't like I went crazy... I bought some clearance clothes at Target and some cloth diapers and I am making the nursery linens, so I bought fabric (which I still don't have enough of). But when you are on a tight budget, and when I really have myself focused on being able to pay a lot off this summer, it is hard to carve out even a little bit.

We have also gotten hit at work - Neither one of us got bonuses or raises. Although, my husband's job has "promised" retoractive raises and bonuses in June. He thinks this means layoffs are coming, though it is unlikely he will be laid off. In addition, our insurance premiums are skyrocketing. They are going up $150 in January and another $150 when the baby comes, so we are essentially taking a big paycut. I don't know what is up with my job. They refuse to admit we are hurting, but it is a huge deal that we got screwed in both raises and bonuses and we saw several large rounds of layoffs this year. I also feel I am terribly underpaid for what I do for them, and feel I deserve an additional raise to balance that out. I was surprised I didn't get it, and am debating at what point I need to ask for it. I just feel I am not in a bargaining position right now. That may change next fall. I really think I will be looking for another job by then, not just because of money but also because I spend 2-3 hours commuting everyday. I am having a hard time justifying that knowing I will have a baby this time next year. I keep playing with the stay at home scenario budget, but I just can't do it. Not only do I not really want to be a stay at home mom, we would be cut to nothing. I don't think it is worth it. It is worth it to find a better paying and/or closer to home job though, even though I ultimately love my job and am very comfortable there.

Making things worse, my laptop finally gave up the ghost this weekend. My husband keeps talking about getting me a new one, but I hate spending that money. All I can think about are all the other expenses we have coming up.

Looking back, I said there were three things, I think, that I wouldn't be able to do and still pay off debt:

1. Buy dolls: Well, I did. I am not entirely sure, but I think I bought three dolls this year, and minimal doll accessories. While this is certainly more than zero, it is a whole lot less than the several hundred dollars a month I was spending before. There have been many things I have had to pass on and watch retire, even though I really wanted it. There's always ebay? It did get easier once I got pregnant, though. It is a lot harder to justify these sorts of purchases knowing I need things like cribs and bottles.

2. Get a dog: Well, I did. Barely made it a few months on that one. He was expensive initially, and has been lately because I am taking him to training classes before the baby comes. But, overall, he has not been an overwhelming financial impact. I think after having such an old, sick, expensive dog for so long, I forget that the younger ones aren't generally as expensive. We have also built up a good savings fund for pet expenses. With everyone's shots coming due in the next few months, I am much more calm about handling that than I was this time last year.

3. No 5th anniversary in Hawaii: Yeah. We had to let this one go. There was no way. We did spend a nice week at my parent's beach house using money we saved for that purpose. I spent a lot of time on the beach, reading books, and getting pregnant. :) Maybe for our 10th we can do Hawaii?

4. No baby: Well, I did. Well.... I will. My arrangement with myself was that we would start trying once the credit cards were paid off, which is what we did. It took a few months to get pregnant, which allowed me to also pay off one of the loans. It did not take anywhere near as much time as I thought it would though. I thought we would be seeking medical treatments at this point, but I guess we were very lucky that it did not come to that. It does, however, throw off my 14 month to debt freedom plan, and I have had a hard time dealing with the realities of that. I hate stretching the money stuff out so much longer, and baby expenses, daycare, and maternity leave are all going to make it even longer.

So. I guess the lesson here is that even though you get on a budget, and by definition you have to sacrifice, you do not have to pass on the important things. I was still able to get some fun things - not as much as I wanted to or would have a year ago, but didn't have to give it up entirely. And the important things, like animals and babies, can still be worked in and worked around. You just have to be flexible and plan.

I think back to the first few months, when we were really getting by on nothing. When buying my book club book was my entire "fun money" allotment. When a month with five weeks cropped up and we ran out of gas and grocery money. When I had to pay vet bills with no pet fund cushion. When a leaking roof was the end of the world. When a hotel and plane for my cousin's wedding was a huge deal. I am griping about how low our sinking fund is now that we used it for it's purpose: Christmas gifts. But I am still entering January with around $300 in it, which is $300 more than I had last January! We have been through a lot, and we have come a long way, and we have been able to increase things, like gas and fun money, as things have been paid off or income increased (fat chance).

This has gotten long, so I suppose I will post my looking ahead thoughts separately.

This is gonna be one of those posts...

I did something bad, and now I am panicking about it. It is gonna be ok. It isn't That bad. I am just beating myself up for it.

Several years ago, I was in an ebay bidding war for an OOAK doll. While I have seen many dolls by this artist (and later did get another one), this is the most beautiful one I have seen. Even though the artist usually sells her dolls for around $400, this one ended up going for around $90. I dropped out, but if I had upped my bid one more time, I would have won. I know this because as it turned out, I knew the woman who won her. She said she had also entered her last bid and walked away, as had I (I was going out) and hers was just a bit higher than mine. I have kicked myself over that for years, but took comfort in knowing where the doll ended up.

Over the years, this woman seems to have lost interest in dolls. I don't know what the deal is exactly, but she fell out of the American Girl community, and sold off a lot of that collection. She got big into Ellowyne (which is what these dolls are) and worked so much with this Ellowyne artist that she even helped to design a line of clothing with her for them. She has become close friends with her. But, she slowly over the years sold off her Ellowynes as well. She got heavy into BJDs for a while, and sold those off too. I don't understand the part where you invest heavily in these collections, lose interest, and sell. I have a very hard time selling my collections.

Anyway, she had three Ellowynes left, and the doll I had wanted was one of them. She posted them all for sale a couple weeks ago. I inquired, and she remembered that I had been bidding on this doll. She wanted $200!! I had hoped that since she got a deal on the doll, she wouldn't be pricing her so high! I told her I couldn't afford that, and she told me she would let me know if she didn't sell.

Tonight, she emailed me to tell me she was about to list her on Ebay for $150 and would I like her for $140 (+shipping, it turns out)? I have $60 in my personal spending account. But of course, there are several things I want to buy. Including clearance Ellowyne things from the company. I went back and forth on it. I can't believe she didn't sell (The other two did) and I feel like she is meant to be mine. I told her I would take her. I guess I have to start rooting around for things to sell now too.

It is very very hard living on so tight a budget. This is exactly why I planned to give us another "raise" next month. It's like dieting. You can't completely deprive yourself for such long periods of time. We don't go out, we can't buy fun things... and every little thing we have to do is a stress about the cost and the budget. It's been 6 months of this. I believe you need to let up on the reigns from time to time. It is just hard to do when I want so badly to achieve my big goal. And when things like this happen which are once-in-a-lifetime, it is hard to pass up. It is not the end of the world, or even the end of the money. It just isn't wise use of money, and it means putting off other things I was planning to get. Again. And so I beat myself up.

We will be paying off the last credit card in 10 days. We are really psyched about that. I spent some time today "what-if"ing a best case scenerio on a baby, and it really throws off everything. It is shocking how much a baby (specifically daycare) is going to slow us down. I don't know how poor people do it. But - all fodder for a different post. The point is, things happen, life happens, and I guess you have to roll with it. I feel like if we aren't going to be debt free by April, the credit cards are the important part to me, and does it really matter beyond that?

I guess even in the face of accomplishing my first goal, I am having a rough time right now. I need to feel some success at something. I am scared. Of every possible outcome.

Challenges

The January income statement is done, I just haven't gotten around to scanning it. I am still tweaking the March budget, too.

Some things have come up. This is what Dave Ramsey calls Murphy.

The good: I got a dog this weekend. Um. I know I said I wouldn't. But I knew I would know the right one when I saw him (on the internet). I had let some others pass me by, but this one I couldn't. I hate going to pet organizations ~ I always want to take them all home, so I guess it is good I stuck with just one. He is a rescue - he was surrendered to animal control. He is a silky terrier, registered with AKC with papers. Blows my mind. He is house broken (YAY!) but we are having some problems with him chasing the cat. I hope this will settle itself some soon. The cat is staying upstairs, and sometimes under the bed. We have him confined downstairs. I paid for his adoption and his things at Petsmart in cash, though. In future budgets, I will raise my pet allocation and I also will have to board him in May for a few days, so will have to account for that as well.

The rest:

My mother in law was diagnosed with lung cancer. She has to have surgery to remove part of her lung. She has never smoked and is the healthiest, most in shape person I know. My father in law is a disabled vet, who just went through an amputation. My husband has to go out there to take care of his father while his mother goes through surgery, and then possibly both of them. Luckily, his parents have since offered to pay for his flight, and he can work remotely, so that takes the financial strain off of an already stressful and emotional situation. From what I understand, her prognosis is good.

Our roof. We have a leak which really appears to be a lost flashing. The water comes in down one of those silver pipes that sticks out of the roof, then drips down and there is some water damage in the ceiling of the bedroom below. We have gotten a ton of rain in the last year, and that is how we came to notice it, though there was previous damage in that spot. We put a bucket in the attic and went on about our lives. Meanwhile, we had our gutters cleaned a couple months ago, and the guy alerted us that there is damage on the roof of our porch. There is a huge crater in the roof (we can see it from a window) and the wood underneath is rotting - all the way down to where you can see the rot on the ceiling of the porch. On the one hand, it is just the porch and I don't feel it is an emergency. On the other, it could be an indicaiton of further problems we can't see over the main house. You just never know with insurance companies, and I have never had to deal with them before so I didn't know what to do. Roofs are always the huge scary expense. It turns out that while our deductable for most things is $1000, like we thought, it is $3800 for hail or wind damage. That is how most people have been getting their roofs replaced. This is a HUGE additional amount of money. The insurance company is sending someone out to look at it. I guess what we do from there depends... If they will cover it and redo the whole roof, I have to find $3800 somewhere. If they don't cover or won't do the whole roof, we will just fix the porch, and I have no idea what that will cost at this point. I have chosen not to pay off cc4 this month ($500 extra payment) and to pull $1000 from our debt repayment the next couple months to help cover. We will pull the money out of savings and pay it back. This really throws a wrench into my payoff plan, though.

Dentist: My husband needs two crowns. Luckily, insurance is going to pay for 80%, but that still leaves around $500 for us. We will use the med card for some of it. I guess when my husband finds out when he will be out of town, he will schedule around that and we can go from there.

The sacrifices we are going to have to make this year

In addition to just spending less, no more dolls and no more credit card use, we have some pretty big sacrifices we have had to accept in order to do this.

Sure, we are cutting back on our cable, and (after a pretty heated debate) my husband has compromised giving up his Texas server, and trying to set it up at home. We have to order less delivery, and we never ate out or went to movies anyway (s0mething I instituted during that first year, which just stuck. The last movie we saw in a theater was the most recent Harry Potter, and I think that is the only theatre movie we saw last year).

But we had some bigger plans for this year.

No Dog. At least, not as soon as I had hoped. I wasn't planning on getting a dog until after new year sometime, just because of my personal schedule right now. That doesn't mean I was going to go out Jan 2 and get a dog... I wasn't sure when I would be ready again, or when the right dog would be there for me, but I have been looking and did plan to get a dog again at some point. I don't know that I can promise NO dog in 2010, but I have budgeted a rather large "pet fund" partly due to all the pet bills we have been experiencing. I don't expect to have as many animal emergencies now, but I do have our kitty on pet insurance. It is expensive, but it more than paid for itself this year. I don't expect that to be the case again until she gets older, but I have learned the pet insurance lesson. So perhaps once that fund has gotten large, and barring any emergencies, we will use it for a new dog. It'll be a few months at least.

No 5th year anniversary in Hawaii trip. We have been planning this forever. Since before we got married. We couldn't swing Hawaii for our honeymoon, but for SURE we would be able to do it for our 5th anniversary (which is in August). Nope. It has been very hard coming to terms with the fact that we will not be doing this. Maybe for our 6th we will have our s**t together and actually have saved for this trip? While it is disappointing, it is a relief to know I won't have the weight of adding another several thousand dollars onto our credit cards this fall.

No baby. The whole baby thing is so big it probably deserves its own post. Its own blog. I will try to be concise. While I have many reservations about bring a child into this world, particularly one with our combined genetic makeup, the fact that I do not feel we can afford a child is pretty much my biggest excuse. However, we aren't getting any younger here. I have a family medical history of problematic pregnancies, and I have my own medical issues that will probably make getting pregnant difficult. So, I had it in my head we would start trying this spring (when I was past my first 90-days at work, and the baby, if easily concieved, would come at least a year after I started my job.) Because I think it will take a while to get pregnant, and because I don't want to be ninety at my child's high school graduation, I figured we should start trying sooner rather than later, to allow time to try to do it naturally, and possibly time to try alternative methods or adoption, which can also take a lot of time (and be expensive). I have put this on hold. Again, we can reevaluate our situation in the fall and see how close to out-of-debt and savings goals we are, but I cannot imagine adding the possible financial and medical complications of a pregnancy on top of trying to get out of debt. And how much better will I feel bringing in a baby I know I can afford to support?